Failure is Not the Worst Thing I’ve Ever Tasted

One of the classes that returning apprentices have been in this semester is called Spiritual Formations. Over the past few months, our instructors, Justin and Sandra, have taken us to a specific area of Gainesville to get out into the community.  We start each class period by praying to see what the Lord has (and come in having done some independent prayer), and then go where He leads.  

We have met amazing success, failures, felt loved (see my blog “A Rose By Any Other Word” here), experienced discomfort, had our eyes opened to new things, seen excitement and disappointment in watching a woman try to her life together, and so many other things.  As a cap to the course, we were charged with the assignment to go have a God experience and bring someone along with us. We were handed a sheet of paper with different words and questions to prompt our thinking.  The result of my prayer was the highlighting of the following words:

Verbs: bring, create, deliver, give

Services: art, giving

Target groups or areas: lonely, neglected, relationships, widows, women 

That sounds like I needed to create a piece of art and give it to an older woman, right?

Without further ado, here is a retelling of my adventure.  Be forewarned that there are two parts to this tale:

PART ONE

I set out to be creative through painting and ended up with what you see on the right side of this picture:

It’s a little difficult to read, but it says, “What sets your soul free?”  I prayed, got that image, painted, and then went out the next day after church to find whoever was supposed to receive the painting.  I ended up at Target, and after getting a few thank you cards, I felt the Lord highlight one of the staff members.  Once I put my purchases in my car, I went back inside to find her at the return counter.  I explained that I had prayed, painted this, and thought it was for her.  While she was receptive and said she really liked it, our conversation was brief and honestly, I walked away feeling like I had given the painting to the wrong person.  

I knew in my spirit that my assignment wasn’t done.  The Lord started speaking to me through it and this is one of the lessons I learned:

Stepping out in obedience and planting a seed is necessary and challenging.  Sometimes, and probably more often than not, we are not the ones who get to see the harvest. 

Did I feel like I was supposed to paint that?  Yes.  Did I feel like I was supposed to go give it to someone? Yes.  Did I feel like Gail was supposed to be the recipient? Yes. All true! I also felt like I failed and was disappointed. The entire experience brought up the fact that I had expectations of God and how He was going to show up when all I needed to do was be obedient.  It shows a big sign of growth in me that I was not even concerned about whether Gail thought I was a nut with a painting. 

I mean really, who does things like that?  HA! 

I may not have gotten this huge revelation of God in the experience, but the painting probably impacted Gail more than I realized. Either way, it wasn’t for me to know.

PART 2

Recently, for my apprenticeship, I was given the assignment of calling a number of elderly individuals who had been referred to AIM because they need work done around their houses this summer.  It has been a treat to talk with them, especially when they are concerned I won’t be able to understand them because they lost weight and their teeth don’t fit as well as they used to.  

Their teeth don’t fit as well as they used to.  It was a challenge to not laugh.

One woman, in particular, stuck out to me.  She explained that her husband had passed away in October, things were lonely, and told me to keep her in my prayers.  I asked if I could pray for her right then and there on the phone.  I’m fairly certain that she cried after we finished talking.  

After my initial attempt with the painting, I felt like this woman was the one I was supposed to encourage.  I decided to do some listening prayer for her and then call her to share it.  I was surprisingly nervous that she wouldn’t pick up, and sure enough, after the first attempt, I got her machine.  That left me feeling discouraged and like I had somehow misheard what the Lord was asking me to do.

I was riding the roller coaster of emotions throughout this entire assignment.  Shoot! 

In my impatience, I decided to try other numbers, and naturally, no one answered.  I was trying to rush the process.  Again, things did not go as planned, and I started to doubt what I knew the Lord was telling me.  

The second lesson was that I needed to be patient.  

After leaving the initial message, and before I was back in the office, I got three different voicemails in less than 24 hours back from this kind lady.  

OK, Lord, I hear you, I was being impatient and not trusting your timing.  

Everything worked out.  We set a time to talk, I shared the word I’d gotten for her, and it was spot on for what she needed to hear at that time.  I just needed to be patient, get out of the way, and let the Lord work things in His timing.  

Throughout this experience, I learned a lot: sometimes we are planters and not harvesters, what may seem like failure really may not be, and patience is important.  I felt like I failed multiple times and I’m realizing, failure is not the worst thing I’ve ever tasted. No, it is far worse to be prompted by the Lord to act, not respond out of fear, and know I missed the opportunity to help advance the kingdom.  I was obedient, tried new things, and was comfortable with looking like a fool.  

No, failure is definitely not the worst thing I’ve ever tasted.